There was a report recently about a couple in Kelantan who ended their marriage over differences in political beliefs. The 60-year old woman, an active Umno member who is also a Quran recital teacher, said she had married her 70-year-old husband, a PAS supporter about 15 years ago after they grew fond of each other.
Apparently, a male politician turned out to be the ‘home-wrecker’. Her husband blew his top after his wife told him that she had attended an event which was also graced by the presence of former PAS vice president Hasan Ali. Hasan had severed all ties with PAS when he left the party this year to form his own party, Jati.
Of course, this is not the first account of a couple overcoming political beliefs and associations only to end up going separate ways. Just look at the recent separation of actor-turned Republican ex-California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver who is the late John F. Kennedy’s niece. The Kennedys happen to be one of the most powerful Democrat families in American history. The couple recently announced their separation after 25 years of marriage and four kids.
Some families however seems to make through their political differences like brothers Datuk Seri Shahrir Samad and Khalid Samad. Despite being on opposing sides, (former minister Shahrir is an Umno MP for Johor Baru while Khalid a PAS central political bureau member and MP for Shah Alam), the two appear to make light of their political differences. Nevertheless, it would be interesting to see the dynamics when the two get together at family gatherings such as Hari Raya.
Rules of Engagement
American therapist Jenise Harmon believes the problem is that politics are divisive in their nature.
“We have two main political parties, both of which are equally visible, loud, and persuasive. People claim their political party as an identity. ‘I’m a Republican’ or ‘I’m a Democrat.’ Red or blue. Elephant or donkey.
“And in a marriage, when two people are strongly aligned with opposing parties, things can get ugly,” says Harmon.
Harmon, who specializes in relationship issues, says it’s important to understand that people who fight about politics are good people.
“They’re people who care about their community, their state, their country. They’re aware of what is going on, and they want to make things better. They’re passionate, interested, and thoughtful.”
The most important thing for couples to remember, says Harmon, is that their spouse has good intentions.
“They don’t want to see our country fall into financial ruin, have children go hungry, or see schools fail.”
She also laid out three ground rules on how to keep the peace when debating on politics:
- Rule No. 1: Don’t treat your spouse like your enemy, because they’re not. You may have different ideas about the environment, or foreign policy, but in the big picture you both seek a good life for yourselves, your family, and the people around you.
- Rule No. 2: Discuss, don’t deride. Share your insights, your passion, but keep the conversation respectful. In the end, you may have to simply agree that you can’t agree, and leave it at that. Remember that it’s not your job to convince your partner to vote the way you do. It won’t work, and it’ll just cause him or her to be angry at you.
- Rule No. 3: When it starts to feel negative and bitter, stop. You can always talk later when things are calmer. Realize that your marriage is more important than any political party. You and your spouse do not have to agree on politics. Discuss, debate, educate, and learn from each other. But when the tempers start to flare, step back and take a breather.
“It’s possible to for an elephant to marry a donkey and survive during an election year. Understanding that difference and disagreement are not the end of a marriage is crucial for a relationship to prosper. The key is to have a foundation of trust, kindness, and respect. With these, a marriage can survive and thrive, even in an election year.”
Barisan Nasional chairman Najib Razak and Opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim.Ramifications of the Heightened Political Divide in Malaysia
In Malaysia, it is especially crucial for the Malays to unite because the Malays are the majority. If the majority is divided, chaos is inevitable. In a recent interview with Channel NewsAsia, I had openly said that the split in voters in the country is currently about 50-50. The political chasm in Malaysia is becoming more and more apparent following the 2008 general election and we can’t ignore the fact that the opposition has gained a lot of ground since the last election.
This trend is worrying to some as it could create disunity among the rakyat. Because of this, there have been calls to establish a Truth and Reconciliation Council to prevent any untoward incidents to take place following the results of the pivotal 13th general election. Is this necessary?
A truth and reconciliation commission (or simply, a Truth Commission) is a commission tasked with discovering and revealing past wrongdoing by a government in the hope of resolving conflict left over from the past. They are occasionally set up by states emerging from periods of internal unrest, civil war, or dictatorship. South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, established by the then president Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu after apartheid, is popularly considered a model of truth commissions.
The role of truth commissions in transitional societies itself has its own issues and one of them centers around what should be the relationship between truth commissions and criminal prosecutions. Despite these difficulties, however, it may still be a good idea to form this commission as a preventive measure against possible acts of defiance or retaliation by the losing party.
Don't Let Politics Divide Our Country
The situation is a bit more complex in the context of Malaysia’s multiracial, multicultural and multi-faith makeup of our society. This is because the same attributes that unite us – race, religion, gender, nationality, political inclinations, interests and, of course, money – can also divide us. What makes it worse is politicians have been exploiting this by politicizing issues relating to our diversities.
But on the bright side, there are cornerstones that have been known to bring people together, and this would be sports, entertainment and the arts. Perhaps, there is no need to form a Truth and Reconciliation Council and all we need something cathartic to set the tone for how we should take the outcome of GE13.
Perhaps old political rivals like former prime minister Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad and PAS veteran Datuk Nik Aziz Nik Mat should set an example by putting aside their differences and sit down together to reconcile over a cup of coffee, or six. After all, both are two of the eldest and most influential political leaders and both have a lot to do with shaping the current political landscape. It would be the most responsible thing for them to do before they leave politics entirely. The most important thing is for us to strive to do whatever it takes to uphold the peace in what has become a politically divided country.
*The views expressed here are the personal opinion of the writer.
